A special experience

I never thought I would be loved by kids and adolescents as a Psychologist and Teacher. Three month flew like seconds. I did learn a lot from students and my colleagues. Sometimes I did have conflicts with colleagues but that made  me a tactful individual. This was the first professional experience for me in a not so professional environment. I had to face hostility of students as well as colleagues. It was difficult for them to accept me as part of their family. Students made fun of me, didn't pay attention to my lectures and troubled me to some extent. It was difficult to tackle all these challenges at first but with patience I resolved most of the issues. The special educator always disliked me. She felt less important and always wandered in corridors to meet and greet other nonsensical colleagues. Oh God! Please raise her IQ. The content of the conversation which I had with her was always limited to backbiting and criticizing others. I hated to listen to her silly and childlike opinions. Somehow I managed to get rid of her as I was allotted a separate room to work. It was a great relief...I swear of my academics.

My colleagues started calling me arrogant as I never talked to anyone of them. Most of them always had a stern look and being a junior I felt hesitant to approach them. So..everyone started comparing me with the so called jovial and extrovert special educator. I hated it to death. I wish they had found an intellectually equivalent being to compare with me. Seriously, these colleagues of mine need individualized therapy for rectifying their cognitive distortions. Well...I never considered them important. To be honest they never concerned me. I didn't transmute according to their wish...That's why people who know me well call me a stubborn individual.

Artificiality rules the society but exceptions are always there for bringing revolutions. I am not calling myself a revolutionist. The society needs a sensible makeover in terms of its cognitive abilities.

All right, coming back to my journey...Days passed and I remained myself. I wanted students to accept me the way I was. And I am glad they did accept me. Few female students asked me the reason for being a simple individual. They grew up seeing their teachers and Psychologist being fashion fiestas. Well...I was the odd one out in my students' view. I am glad that they did provide me affection and respect. Respect was not out of fear but authentic gratitude towards me for being an amiable psychologist and teacher to them. I laughed with my students, played badminton with them and even cracked jokes about other teachers.. but it was fun. Everyday students came to me with their issues and life challenges. They viewed and considered me their friend, guide and adviser  Most of them would share their deepest secrets and untold dreams and aspirations to me. It was my students' trust in me that helped me cope with harsh, insensitive and less intellectual colleagues of mine...not all were non/less intellectual.

If my university batch mates were with me at my workplace they would have got astonished for sure...the reasons are many. I never liked kids' company and always criticized people for progeny procreation...hey hold on...I am still against progeny procreation. I had always escaped from pediatric posting during my clinical residencies so I didn't have hand on experience of dealing with issues of kids. Being an asocial person I was able to gel with others...I agree it was minimal.

My treasure is my students' respect, concern and love for me. I will always cherish memories of my students.

There is another aspect of my first professional experience which will always be with me. One of my colleagues (Mr. V) always bestowed his kindness, concern and affection on me. He would come in morning and greet me good morning with a slight smile on his face. It was nice to accept his greet everyday. But I always gave him a stern look..and one day he said "smile please". I don't like smiling or laughing for without any reason...I am usually in a serious mode but when I laugh I can't stop it. On my last day, this colleague of mine stated "this is the first time I have heard the sound of laughter coming from this room. I didn't know that my neighbor (that means I) knew how to laugh". I will always remember his final words. It was a sweet relation which I had established with him. We would discuss issues which were polemical in nature and I was the one who would speak a lot...Mr. V always liked listening to my views...this is what I think so!!! He always tried to be amiable to me. I must say he wasn't like other men...he had something unique and unusual in him. I admire his simplicity and politeness. In his view I admire abnormal people and things. Sometimes his behaviour was erratic and he would give vague looks to me...as if he had got amnesia. Wink wink!!!

Ummm....what else??? I hope I am not forgetting anything else to pen down. The pen fights which my students had was never liked by me. The tool for acquiring knowledge was disrespected by students. Somehow I convinced them not to have pen fight during my lecture hours..and surprisingly they agreed.

Ohh...yeah...I must mention about my Metro hangout gang. There were three members in the gang: Mrs. shiji, Mr. V and of course the asocial homo - sapien that is me. We always had wonderful time while traveling in metro. Three of us would make fun of women who were senselessly and indecently groomed. Mrs. Shiji would comment on funky college goers in her typical Malayalam accented Hindi and Mr. V would smile and nod to express his agreement. Our metro gang didn't only made fun of others but we did have days when serious issues relating to life were also discussed. Three of us had varying perspectives and each one of us was given liberty and opportunity to put forward his/her views. I and Mrs. Shiji did crack jokes about Mr. V which he was unaware of till the last day. My emotional bonding with both these individuals got strengthened the day I started traveling with them. Both these colleagues and friends of mine always showed their concern and care for me. I would feel special when Mrs. Shiji would wait for me at the reception after getting free from work. Mr. V always found seat for me and Mrs. Shiji in metro. I must say, he is a man who has a lot to express but never expresses anything openly due to fear. Due to his fear, he has been subjected to students' pranks and jokes. I never liked students cracking jokes about him. I always told students to put themselves in his position and think about his situation. To some extent they limited their habit of making fun of Mr. V...and I hope they don't trouble Mr. V anymore.

There is a student who has a special place in my heart. She is a pure soul...someone who is knowing and discovering life principles and the World on her own terms and will. This student was subjected to bullying and I am glad that I had an opportunity to help her deal with this life crisis. She trusted me a lot and I tried my best to be there for her. Her face will never fade from my memory. She is an innocent, naive and honest girl who will surely become a successful and strong young woman one day. Her eyes were filled with tears the moment I broke the news of my resignation to her. I could feel and sense her pain of parting from me. Her eyes conveyed her sadness more than anything else. She stood numb for few seconds and then hugged me gently. I felt extremely emotional. I always saw my own image in her. Being a victim of bullying myself I could understand her adversity. She would always come in morning to say hello to me. I was also conditioned to her morning greeting to a great extent. I wish to see her happy, successful and contended in life.

I thank all students and sensible colleagues for making my first professional experience a memorable one.

I must stop boring the person who is reading this. Thanks for bearing me. SayoNara :) :)

On Doctor's Day

A tribute to all sincere, honest and compassionate Doctors!!!!

                                          You are a beautiful light,

                                       Which makes others’ life bright.

                                          You have the power to heal,

                                    And you give people a wonderful feel.

                                    You have a reservoir of compassion,

                                  Which, you exhibit with great perfection.

                                       You feel others’ pain and agony,

                        And make them realize that life is a beautiful journey.

                                  You guide others with firm determination,

                                And they end up finding their real destination.

                            Your pleasant words are like a honey comb,

                                 Sweet to the soul, and healing to the bones.

This unexpected life

It's dark, very dark
and you have so much of suffering
Holding the candle of hope and running through the darkness,
is making you determined, to overcome the obstacles on your way to prosperity and peace

The storms of hopelessness may make you feel lost,
but the king of the universe, is there,
up above the sky and will give you strength and courage

You unquestionably accepted
the destiny of life,
but there lies an ocean of dreams, aspirations and compassion inside your heart

Life is not a calm wave lapping the shore line
and will not always provide rewarding opportunity
Trying to find opportunity in every adversity will bring joy and satisfaction to you

The principle of moving ahead in life and not regretting for the past is the key to achieve acceptance towards self and opens doors of a more blessed life

Your fears are obvious and important, but always try to defeat
and dominate the fear,
The day you will conquer your fear,
you will start loving yourself, your life and you will welcome your adversities

Your life is beautiful and tough at the same time
a rainbow of sorrows, pain, sufferings and joys.
The storm of adversities will bring rain of unhappiness and hopelessness
and the seven colors of the rainbow will bring happiness, comfort and relief.

Family issues faced by women with bleeding disorders and importance of psychological help in overcoming them

Abstract

Family plays an important role in overall development of an individual. The contribution of family in making women with bleeding disorders more empowered and self sufficient cannot be overlooked. These women face numerous family issues right from their childhood till adulthood. Such issues range from parental neglect to sibling rivalry to adjustment problems and others. Persistent unresolved family issues can lead to distorted self image, low confidence, guilt and feelings of inadequacy in women suffering from lifelong and chronic bleeding disorder.  Most of the time, family issues affect woman’s psychological functioning to a large extent. Therefore, seeking help from psychologist/counselor could be of great value. These professionals not only facilitate resolution of family issues faced by women with bleeding disorders but also play an important part in improving and enhancing psychological functioning of afflicted women.

Keywords: Self image, Psychologist, Bleeding disorders, Psychological functioning.

 Introduction

Women with bleeding disorders have to face many challenges in life. Besides managing their bleeds they have to make adjustments and compromises to get fitted in the normal individuals’ society. We know that family is important and the same holds true for women with bleeding disorders also. There are families which have a narrow thinking about the diagnosis of the afflicted woman. On the other hand, there are also some families which help the woman in discovering her potentials to the fullest. The attitude and perception of the family helps in making a woman with bleeding disorder an empowered and successful individual of the society, nation and the world.

Every family faces challenges in their own and specific ways. But complications may arise for women with bleeding disorders in a family set up. The issues for such women are quite different from normal women. It is not only about sharing, giving and caring for other family members but to survive and make others acknowledge about their bleeding disorder.

1.     

Denying the diagnosis

The first issue that can be witnessed is denying the diagnosis of woman with bleeding disorder. This is mostly seen in families of newly diagnosed patients. However, there are families that fail to accept the condition of the woman despite of knowing about it for many years even after getting a diagnosis. Reacting to their denial, the woman will be forming a perception about her disorder. Constant denial might develop guilt in the afflicted woman.

2.     Sibling jealousy

It is generally seen that families, especially parents, tend to give more attention, care and concern to the suffering member/child. The root cause of sibling jealousy takes birth from the extra care, affection, attention and concern provided to the afflicted one. Normal siblings develop interpersonal problems with the diseased sibling and tend to resent her. Normal siblings in the family may feel neglected and distanced from their parents because they believe their diseased sibling has more love from the parents. They may exclude their suffering sibling in games, play activities and other sources of enjoyment. In adulthood, the issue of sibling jealousy takes a different form. It might remain latent and come into limelight even after many years. So the woman who has a chronic bleeding condition has to face this additional challenge of getting and gelling well with her own siblings.

3.     Indifferent attitude of one of the parents

Mothers may tend to give more importance to their daughter’s needs having a bleeding disorder than to the needs of the rest of the family members. This may sometimes result in fathers thinking that they are being neglected and not given importance by their partner. Fathers may then behave in a hostile manner with the afflicted one. This hostility might not be evidently visible but might be projected in behavior of the father. The woman may feel guilty of creating distances between her parents. If guilt develops in woman with bleeding disorder then it needs to be addressed appropriately and resolved immediately. This can be done by consulting a professional who has expertise in dealing with relationship issues. Guilt also serves as a basis for development of fragile ego strength and poor self perception in women suffering from various bleeding conditions.

Every individual has various potentials of achieving success at academic, professional and personal front. The same principle is applicable for women with bleeding disorders. Sometimes parents may feel that their daughter cannot do a particular thing and they dis-empower their child from pursuing ultimate life’s goal. This in turn can create diminished self image and less confidence in one’s potentials and abilities. The aim is to make ailing women empowered and independent, rather than telling them what they can do and what they cannot do in their life. The focus of parenting must be on the strengths of the individual suffering from chronic bleeding condition. Motivation works as a facilitator in achieving one’s dreams and goals in life. If significant figures of the sufferer doubt her capabilities then it can lead to feelings of self insufficiency and self doubt.

4.     Financial problems

Economic status of a family also matters a lot when there is a woman with bleeding disorder in the family. The expenses spent on treatment of such woman might be an important issue for the family as well as for the patient too. At times, families with low economic status fail to provide quality treatment to the afflicted woman. This in turn, creates other medical complications for women with bleeding disorders. Some women cannot even afford to buy medicines like hormonal pills to treat their bleeds. On the other hand, factor infusions remain a dream for women with moderate/severe form of bleeding disorders having a low economic status. Here the patient might blame oneself for the stressful environment of the family.

5.     Issues related to marriage

Marriage is a challenging issue for women with bleeding disorders. Families tend to pressure the suffering woman to get married, even when they know about her bleeding disorder. In an Indian family setting, having a daughter with bleeding disorder is considered to be taboo. Sometimes parents might not reveal the disorder of their daughter when marrying her off in another family. This creates problems in future not only for the woman but for the parents and other family members too. Making adjustments in family needs support from other family members as well. For a woman with bleeding disorder starting a new family life after marriage might be extremely challenging especially when she has become a part of a family which had no information about and exposure to bleeding disorder. Various family members may have differing expectations from the woman but living up to their expectations is a tough and challenging thing. She might face problems of making her new family members understand that her disease is real and it really creates problems and pain for her.

6.     Issues surrounding childbirth

Child birth is an important decision in one’s life. This becomes a complicated for women with bleeding disorders. These complications account for heavy blood loss during delivery and post delivery recovery of the woman. The partner might want a baby but the woman feels that it could be very challenging for her. This could lead to disagreement and misunderstanding between them. Moreover, it may leave the woman to compromise in order to sustain the relationship with her partner.

7.     Problems of extended family

If the suffering woman lives in an extended family then complications are doubled. There might be family members who may ignore her bleeding problem and think that having an unseen disorder cannot affect the functioning of an individual. Such a situation arises out of less awareness about bleeding disorders of women. Few people may acknowledge that women can also suffer from bleeding disorders but unfortunately majority of individuals think that it is only the disease of men. In such a scenario the woman has to face non - acceptance of her family members. The woman might feel rejected and unaccepted by the family. 

8.     Problems of mother child relationship

Another important issue is the mother - child relationship. Sometimes women who have moderate/severe form of bleeding disorder might not be able to take care of their babies/kids, which may lead to distances between both of them. Such women must be encouraged that they have potential of taking care of their babies/kids despite of their disorder. Motherhood is a special period in one’s life and women with bleeding disorders can also live every moment of it.

Discussion and conclusion

As highlighted above, there are numerous family issues a woman with bleeding disorder faces from childhood till adulthood. The complications might result in failed relationships with other family members and might leave the woman with a sense of loneliness and failure. Psychological interventions at the primary level might play an important and crucial role in helping both the patient and family members to work effectively on these issues. The step in preventing or minimizing such family issues is to help family members attain a thorough knowledge about the woman’s disorder and how it affects various aspects of her life. A counselor or psychologist then could plan a session with the whole family so that underlying fears and apprehensions could be addressed directly. If the psychologist thinks that specific family members are not gelling well with the afflicted one then focus could be directed towards them. Family dynamics and functioning of the family affects the suffering woman to a great extent. If problems are arising out in context of other members then they must be tackled effectively with the help of professionals who can help both the woman and family members. The role of a psychologist cannot be underestimated as his/her skills could help the woman and the family to come close and work in a symbiotic association with each other while acknowledging the bleeding disorder of the afflicted. Issues associated with low self esteem, confidence and distorted self image can also be addressed by working in close collaboration with the psychologist/counselor.

In a nut shell, family issues will always be faced by women with bleeding disorders. Unresolved family issues can prevent such women from living a satisfying life. Thus, psychological help could be positively influential in making family environment, dynamics and relationships more fruitful for women with bleeding disorders. 

Awareness will lead to Actions

I did not know that I was born with Von Willebrand’s disease (vWD) until I was seventeen. Since my menarche I knew that the way I bled was different from other females. I ignored this fact, but it was in my subconscious mind. The news of my disease came to me as a shock even though I had been waiting for an answer.

Five years back, I went to one of the reputed hospitals in my country for a Gastroenterology consultation. The doctor examined me and suspected pathology related to the pelvis. He advised me to consult a Gynaecologist for further investigations. When I went to the gynaecologist, I experienced a different scenario. After examining me for pelvis pathology the gynaecologist came to a conclusion. There was inflammation in my pelvis, but it was not serious. Suddenly the doctor asked me about the menstrual cycle and profuse bleeding. I told her that my menses continued for more than fifteen days. The gynaecologist advised me to get some initial blood tests done as early as possible. My family history was taken into account. Ultimately I was referred to a Hematologist. It was now quite clear to me that a bleeding disorder runs in my family.

After blood screening tests I was diagnosed with vWD. My hematologist provided me with treatment. Initially I was given oral contraceptives, which did nothing for me. Rather they made my bleeding worse. After the oral contraceptives did not work, I was given tranexamic acid tablets. The doctor thought that this would control my profuse and severe bleeding. To my surprise it did not work for me either. After few months I decided to discuss the matter with my hematologist.

I thought that it would be harsh to stop the treatment on my own without consulting my doctor. I believed my hematologist would feel insulted or ignored if I stopped the treatment. I did not have a medical background with specialization in clinical hematology, so I kept taking the medicines. However, I was able to make the doctor understand that tranexamic acid was actually ineffective for me. My hematologist not only considered my request, but also provided me information about other treatment options.

At that time I learned about Desmopressin nasal spray. I wanted to try it, but I could not find the spray anywhere. Then I made an application to MSD (this department is responsible for importing life saving medicines for patients from abroad and various regions of India). A fax was sent to a pharmacist in Middlesex (UK). The pharmacist sent the desmopressin nasal spray in a lesser strength used for diabetes mellitus. All my expectations were shattered when I discovered that the spray I received was of no use to me. I had a sense of hopelessness.

The last treatment option was factor injections. My hematologist was not in favour of starting factor infusions. The reason behind my doctor’s “NO” to factor infusion was the fear of acquiring diseases like Creutzfeldt Jacob disease, HIV and Hepatitis. I feel that it is just a matter of chance that I may get one of these diseases.  I convinced him to change his decision and start the factor therapy. Now whenever there is a bleeding episode I have factor infusions.

I must tell you that my doctor did not make me aware of my disease. I tried my best to learn about every aspect of my disease so that the decisions regarding my treatment strategies are appropriate for me. My mother encouraged me a lot in learning about vWD. She gave me a book entitled “Clinical Hematology in Medical Practice” by G.C. de Gruchy. It has helped me to widen my knowledge about bleeding disorders.

One thing which is extremely important to me is to know about all aspects of the disease. If a patient is well equipped with knowledge, then it becomes easier for the patient to be active in decision making.

The key to awareness is knowledge about the disease. Bleeding disorders in women are unusual. Even medical and nursing professionals may not be aware that bleeding disorders can also affect women in a drastic way. The symptoms of bleeding disorders in females are manifested in a different way than men. The process of getting a diagnosis of a bleeding disorder becomes complicated by various influencing factors. Moreover, the treatment provided may be ineffective if the disease is not diagnosed appropriately.

Special clinics may be established, which give attention to the symptoms of women suspected of bleeding disorders. A counselling committee at every hospital could provide authentic and appropriate information to newly diagnosed women about their specific bleeding disorders. Informative leaflets could also be useful in creating awareness of the general public. Discussion groups could provide a platform for women to interact and communicate about their current condition with others with bleeding disorders. Workshops, seminars and conferences including research and scientific advancements would be helpful.

The goal is to address the unheard voice of each and every female with bleeding disorders around the globe and bring them relief, comfort and happiness. This will help to make the future of women with bleeding disorders bright and secure. 

A drama on Von Willebrand's Disease

"Gyne" is a nice Japanese drama which has mention of a case of Von Willebrand's Disease...A female patient who dies due to hemorrhaging during and after child birth is undiagnosed Von Willebrand's Disease affected individual...One day her daughter cuts her forearm and she keeps bleeding even after getting stitches...that's when the Emergency doctor sends her to a Hematologist...The Hematologist runs a Factor Assay Test to find out the possibility of Von Willebrand's...The Hematologist tells one of the Gynecology doctors about the actual cause of pre and post child birth hemorrhaging of the female who died...It happened due to Von Willebrand's Disease...The Hematologist also finds out that the new born baby and the elder daughter of the female who died due to severe bleed also suffer from Von Willebrand's.

The message is to get a diagnosis of a bleeding disorder even if there is slightest of the possibility.

This drama will always be special for me...Cheers to Director of Gyne...Thank you for spreading awareness about Von Willebrand's Disease Mr. Director!!!

Here is the link of the drama -http://www.gooddrama.net/japanese-drama/gyne

Oriana's Birthday is coming!!!!

Oriana is my lovely and beautiful daughter. She was born on April 26th, 2012. Her Australian Labrador Retriever mum delivered 6 female babies. I am fortunate to have Oriana in my life. She is a cheerful living doll....A baby with lots of tricks to amuse me!!!

I will be celebrating her 1st birthday this year and the invitation cards have been sent to my friends and those who love dogs.

The big day is only 16 days away....Oriana will be the Star of the evening on April 26th :)

Love you Oriana. Thank you for making my life so special and beautiful.

ORIANA

Memories from Paris

After all the troubles I finally got my visa a day before my flight to Paris was due. For two months I had only been dreaming about attending the World Federation of Hemophilia congress, 2012. Fortunately, I was given an opportunity to do a poster presentation at the congress. My mum also accompanied me for the congress and I was happy that both of us would experience a nice time in Paris.

I didn’t know what things to keep in my luggage due to the excitement of going to Paris for the World congress. Guess what? I forgot to carry my woolens. The moment I landed in Paris, I was shivering due to cold waves. Being an Indian, Paris seemed to be colder for me. Somehow I managed. 

After checking out from the airport I had to find my way to my hotel. It wasn’t difficult as French nationals really helped me at every step. There was a pretty woman was watching me as I was in confused state. She came to me and told me how to get tickets for the metro train. I thanked her and got my tickets. 

Then I asked for metro platform directions from a dad of two beautiful kids. He was so helpful and kind to me. We boarded the same train and chitchat for a minute or two. My mum asked me to take permission from the kids’ dad as she wanted to get herself photographed with those cute and innocent kids. I really liked those kids as they were disciplined and shy. 

Finally we got down at Chattele. From there we had to take another train in order to reach our hotel. At the Chattele station we met an old French man who made sure that we boarded the appropriate train. He sat behind us in the train and informed us to get down at La Defense. I thanked him and moved on to find the way to our hotel.

As we walked towards the exit of the La Defense metro station I asked a young man to guide us towards hotel IBIS. He not only gave us the directions but also lifted our luggage and dropped it at the exit door. I think he was going for work but I was so impressed when he stopped and helped us generously. 

Finally we checked in our hotel. I and my mum got fresh and ate Matthi and Gur pare which we got with us from our country. Then we went to hotel Novotel to find out whether Cheryl D’Ambrosio had checked in there or not. The receptionist was so kind that he showed the list of World congress delegates which were suppose to check in at Novotel. Unfortunately I didn’t find Cheryl’s name in that list. With a sad face I came back to my hotel. My mum got busy with arranging our luggage in the room while I fell asleep. After arranging the luggage my mum also slept as she was also exhausted and tired. We had a wonderful sleep. Suddenly we heard door knocking. The moment I opened the door there was no one. I thought someone would have knocked our door by mistake. Surprisingly I got a call from Cheryl and she told me that she was knocking our door but we didn’t open it. At that moment I got to know that Cheryl was staying in our hotel and I was not even aware of it. I got to know about Cheryl in 2009 when she was thinking of hosting an International creative arts contest for girls and women with bleeding disorders. One of my writings was referred to Cheryl by Laurie Kelley. I was fortunate to be the first contestant of the creative arts contest. After that Cheryl established MyGirlsBlood and I got associated with it. I am glad to be part of MyGirlsBlood as it was Cheryl was motivated me to present my work at the World congress.

Reception area of Hotel IBIS

It was a magical moment when I saw Cheryl. She hugged me and we felt extremely emotional. We had been sending emails, exchanging ideas and planning activities for MyGirlsBlood together for a long time but never met each other in person. I am at loss of words to describe that moment. Then Cheryl met my mum and both of them hugged each other. I made sure that Cheryl felt comfortable and talked for an hour or so. It was Cheryl who invited me and my mum for dinner and took us to see Eiffel tower and other famous monuments with her. We took photos and discussed how women with bleeding disorders can get benefited and empowered. Three of us came back to our hotel and decided to meet at 11:30 AM so that we could go together to attend the congress. 

Visit to Eiffel tower with Cheryl

On the first day I met my old and close friends from the hemophilia community. I was fortunate to meet Shirin from Iran. She came with her husband and it was really nice to meet both of them.



Cheryl introduced me to Patrice and all of us hanged out together at the grocery store on level 0 of the congress venue. Patrice is a charming woman who has charisma in her smile. She is doing a great job for women with bleeding disorders in the United States.



At the opening ceremony I finally met my dearest friend Laurie. It was the second time to meet her in person. Laurie told me that she adored my Labrador puppy ‘Oriana’ so much. She met my mum and was really happy to see us there. It was such a great moment for me to be with the most important ladies of my life – my mum, Laurie and Cheryl. They have always been my strength during tough times. I owe my success, happiness and life to these women.

It was a moment of pride for MyGirlsBlood when Cheryl gave a presentation on Patients and family blogs. She stole my heart away. Her presentation was really impressive and made an impact on the audiences.  

Cheryl giving her presentation

After Cheryl’s presentation we went to a nearby restaurant with our new friend Wendy. I must tell you that Wendy is a real sweetheart and she calls me Miss. Anorexic. She is a great person and a kid at heart. It was nice to hang out with her.

On July 12^th, 2012 I had my poster presentation. Cheryl was with me to help me fix my poster on the board. She was happy to see me come so far and became emotional Cheryl took photos of my poster and me. I felt proud for making Cheryl’s dream come true. She had a vision for me and I was fortunate to make it a reality.

 

As days passed I learned a lot from the hemophilia leaders, researchers and experienced delegates at the congress. I did make new friends and exchanged ideas for making life better for women with bleeding disorders. I met a team of people from Japan and I was really impressed by their poster. I got an email from one of the team members and it is great to share ideas for making our hemophilia community stronger around the globe. 

  Painting by a French painter at the opening ceremony of the World Congress, 2012

I will always cherish all these wonderful and special memories which Paris gifted me. All I want to say is ‘Merci France’. 

These winters

It is obvious that winters will come every year. I do not like winters as I tend to bleed badly during this season. My bleed becomes severe and profuse leading to irritability of mood. 

The same happened in the beginning of this winter season. I suffered from menstrual bleed three times in a month. I felt extremely frustrated and felt very low. After that I had ulcer bleed which contributed in lowering my hemoglobin. Currently I am feeling tired and fatigued.

Now I am again waiting for my menses to hit me hard. I know I will again bleed for a month or so. Winters are extremely troublesome for me. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

From Denmark... With love

I am always amazed by Almighty's plans. I never expected to have so many wonderful people around me until I came to know about my bleeding disorders. I never made good friends. Most of them could not understand my disease and it was difficult to get along with them. I believe that we meet people with a specific purpose. Some give us happiness while others give us life long pain and tears. 

I happened to meet a wonderful young woman from a Scandinavian country. She read my blog post and sent a message to me. I was overwhelmed by her words of accepting her as a friend. I am glad that I replied to her message. She has also has a bleeding disorder but it is different from mine. We have developed a nice friendship and are in constant touch with each other. I am so happy to know her. She told me about her experiences and how she has been dealing with her bleeding disorder for so many years. One important common thing in both of us is that we love dogs like anything. She has two dogs and they are absolutely fabulous. They play with my friend and have fun with her. I miss having a pet. She is a wonderful pet owner. She makes sure that the babies (this is what she calls her pets) feel happy and cheerful. One of the pets is very naughty and enthusiastic while the other one is very wise and calm. But I like both of them.

It is so wonderful to share our thoughts and experiences with each other. Our cultures, languages and traditions are different but our hearts are so close to one another. I wonder how people meet and become best pals forever. I never expected that I would have a loving and caring friend like her. I am fortunate to have her in my life. I thank my VWD because of which we happened to meet and became each others' confidante.

Oh! these menses...

I worry a lot about my menstrual bleeding. I keep thinking about it most of the times. I am not obsessed with it but as a female with a bleeding disorder it is quite normal. The thing which I hate the most is having profuse, heavy and prolong menstrual bleeding. I just do not like it. My work efficiency gets decreased during menses. Sometimes I have to take leave from my work which I dislike the most. This time my menses started when I was making IQ report of a patient at the OPD. My lower back started paining badly and I could hardly move. It was so difficult for me to reach the metro station and board the train to go back home. Somehow I managed to start walking from the hospital and ultimately reached the metro station. The train was late by 7 minutes and I had to stand. There was no space available for sitting. The train came and I got a sigh of relief. Surprisingly the compartment was extremely crowded and I was getting irritated. There was a group of girls who were talking so loudly that I felt like scolding them. But I had no energy to do so. Frankly speaking I had no right to scold them. We live in a democratic nation and everyone has freedom to expression through words. Isn't it? I would have surely got into an argument with those girls in the train. Then suddenly an old woman pushed me so hard that I fell on the floor. I do not understand why can't people walk in a civilized manner. She didn't even say sorry to me. I starred at her but did not say anything. I was very annoyed by her behavior.

After reaching home I took painkiller, factor injection and hot water bag therapy. I slept for four hours and felt a little better when I woke up. My mum asked me to stay at home and rest for a day. I agreed and decided to stay back at home.

I took an off today so that I could rest. My lower back pain is still there but it will subside in few days. Sometimes I feel that having a bleeding disorder is a real challenge. It makes me weak for a while but with my mum's support and care I always face it bravely. My friend Suchu called me and asked about my condition. It was so nice to talk to her. Her soothing words gave me comfort. I really love her and she also loves me truly. We have a wonderful bonding and we also have share common interests. 

Today is my second day of bleeding and I got many get well soon messages from my friends. I am hoping to get back to my work tomorrow.

Psychiatry and bleeding disorders

I always wondered how Freud treated his patients with his unique strategy called "Psychoanalysis". Fortunately I am studying Psychoanalysis in depth these days. I am really excited and thrilled to know all the techniques used by Freud. I also believe that a person's past plays an important role in the development of psychopathology at the conscious level. When there are conflicts between the conscious and unconscious level we tend to see or find people with mental disorders. Frankly speaking I never wanted to pursue a career in Psychiatry or Clinical psychology but it was my destination. I always hated it and never wanted to deal with mentally ill patients. The field of mental health never allured or thrilled me. But it was my mamma who always ignited an aptitude towards Psychology and Psychiatry. I used to complain to my mamma that it is so difficult to deal with mentally unsound people as the manifestation of the psychiatric symptoms is absolutely different from diseases and disorders of other organ systems. I never realized that there were diagnostic classification systems developed for making diagnosis of various mental disorders. There are two major systems of classifications of mental disorders: ICD 10 (International classification of diseases) and DSM IV ( Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders). I feel comfortable in using DSM IV TR to make diagnosis. It has details and descriptions of Psychiatric disorders in points which is easy to read and remember. ICD 10 on the other hand is very descriptive which I do not like. 

It is so unfortunate that Psychiatric disorders are not given importance by people and there are various taboos associated with Mental health profession. If someone considers to consult a psychologist or psychiatrist then the family members and friends think that the concerned person has become mad or has lost his/her senses. I do not know how to define normal and abnormal behavior in life. I can differentiate between deviant and normal behavior as per the diagnostic criteria but I cannot say that we all are sane or so called normal individuals. We have our own mental conflicts and confusions in life. Unfortunate are those who cannot deal with those mental conflicts and get a label of mentally ill person. Labeling a person with a particular mental disorder has been a controversial issue in the field of mental health. When a person gets a label of a psychiatric disorder then the attitude of the friends, family and colleagues changes. They think that the mentally ill person can harm them or cannot live life in a normal way. I feel pathetic to see the condition of the patients who are not given food and kept in isolation just because of their mental disorder. The understanding of mental disorders of the general mass is insufficient and has created many taboos for the afflicted individuals. There is a need to make others understand that mental illness is not communicable, it can happen to anyone and people who have mental disorder are not necessarily violent.  

I read about Mood and Psychotic disorders in my Bachelors. Both these mental illnesses always allured me. I think that it would be wonderful to estimate the number of cases of mood disorders in women with bleeding disorders. It is so unfortunate that there is hardly any effective literature available for the researchers to further research on unipolar depression or bipolar affective disorder in females with Von willebrand's or hemophilia or other bleeding disorders. It is really important to give appropriate psychological care to bleeders irrespective of their gender. But being a female with bleeding disorder, I am a little biased and think that females need more psychological support and professional help than their male hemophiliacs counterparts. The reason is simple of my belief  i.e, women are diagnosed late in their life, have little resources to deal with their bleeding episodes, there is denial by the family members as well as the medical professionals that can make the afflicted psychologically weak at times. I have personally experienced the need of a mental health professional at the times of crisis and confusion being a bleeder. Fortunately I have a mental health professional at my home who always gave me psychological support. She helped me when I felt low and doubted my abilities. It is fruitful to meet a counselor or psychologist when we are confused and want instant solutions for our problems. There is one major principle of counseling i.e, the solution lies within the person itself, it is the counselor or psychologist who guides the person to reach towards that solution. So I personally feel that psychological services are important for women with bleeding disorders and also for those without them.

Now I am madly in love with Psychiatry and have acquired the skills to help people with or without mental disorders. The beauty of being a mental health professional is that we treat/heal people who are facing challenging in living life in an effective manner as well as those whose behavior deviates from the normal. As I always say "there is no universal definition of madness or insanity and we all are not absolutely normal".

An unexpected visit to the hospital

Some things in life occur unexpectedly. But everything that occurs has a purpose behind its existence. Accepting it with an open mind helps in facing the reality and truth of life. The same principle is applied on health ailments according to me. Since Friday my lower abdomen is paining badly. I cannot get up from the bed because of my pain. This is why I could not attend my OPD today and decided to see a surgeon. I am not a kind of a person who avoids visiting hospital. I like the environment there and it teaches me how to carry the candle of hope when life seems to full of uncertainties. But today's visit to the hospital was unplanned. I was trying to ignore my pain thinking that it would subside on its own. Unfortunately the pain continued for more than three days to such an extent that I had to take an injection of painkiller. Then I seriously thought of going to a doctor. Sometimes we avoid our bodily conditions which become big headaches for us in the future. How unfortunate are those who cannot afford the cost of health care treatment. 

This morning I consulted a surgeon and he examined me. He advised an ultra sound and blood tests. I had to wait for an hour for my turn at the radiology department because there was a huge rush. I sat on a chair and waited for my turn. Ultimately my ultra sound and blood test was done. The ultra sound finding revealed that there is inflammation in my Ceacum (the first portion of the large bowel, situated in the lower right quadrant of the abdomen). My blood reports will come tomorrow. I am trying to ignore my pain so that I could do my work but my pain is really troublesome and severe. I hope my pain and inflammation will subside soon. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

A wonderful day at St. Stephen's

Today I met my team - mates after a long time. It was so nice to know that they missed me a lot. I could not attend my Psychiatry OPD because of my surgery. So I made my mind to go to the hospital and give them a surprise. Everyone looked lively, happy and cheerful. I must tell you that our Psychiatry department is all women's department. We have no male psychiatrist or clinical psychologist in our team. Being the only women department, we feel proud on our women power. It is so nice to see all the ladies at work and trying their best to provide the best treatment to all the patients. When I first joined St.Stephen's I was worried about the kind of team - mates I would work with. But I was given a warm welcome and accepted by everyone. Our department head Dr R is the most cheerful person I have ever met. She has charm which attracts the patients and her treatment is a miracle for them. Our clinical psychologist Dr S is a real sweet heart. She makes sure that I have my coffee on time. I do not like having coffee or tea but when she requests me to join her I am not able to say NO to her. On the other hand, Dr J is a very serious person by nature. She says that I am more like her in terms of clinical practice. She makes me sit with her during the therapy sessions so that I could learn. Dr J is fond of reading and you will always find a new book on her table. Her area of interest is addiction and adolescence disorders.

So I started my day by traveling in the metro train to reach my hospital on time. Dr S was amazed and happy to see after my surgery. I had my breakfast with her. Then our psychiatric social worker Miss A came and joined me and Dr S. By that time no patient poured in so we chatted for sometime. We discussed about the rebellious behavior of today's adolescents and how the parents can better deal with it.

While we were discussing this Dr R came and greeted us with a wonderful smile on her ever charming face. She was so happy to see me again in the department after my surgery. Ultimately Dr J came. She was having bad migraine today but she was enthusiastic to see her patients.

My first patient had depression because of various precipitating factors. He has no permanent job and has some financial problems. This patient is supposed to pay a heavy debt as he took loan for his daughter's wedding. His daughter's in laws did not take her to their home after she gave birth to a baby girl. I felt extremely sorry for that patient. Is it a crime to give birth to girls? I wish people realize the potential and importance of females and stop considering them less than males. It is so paining to know that we still come across such stories where giving birth to a girl is considered a crime. Is our country really making progress? God knows.

The second patient was an old lady of 75 years. She had some memory deficits and was hardly able to tell anything. Her son and grandsons were with her. It was really nice to see a close knit family. The grandsons were very anxious to know about their granny's condition. The support of the family is important in recovery of the patient's condition. The old lady is fortunate to have such loving people around her.

Then a lawyer practicing in the high court came to meet Dr R. She was her very old patient. The patient was diagnosed a chronic psychiatric illness many years and was prescribed treatment. It was so nice to see her doing well. She continued the treatment and felt much better. Dr R counseled her regarding importance of continuing the treatment as she was insisting to stop all the treatment modalities including cognitive behavioral therapy and medications. 

These three patients touched my heart. I hope that our patients do well in their life and recover.

I was tired after the OPD and everyone wanted me to have lunch with them. But I denied as I wanted to  write about today's experience. But Dr S wanted me to taste the sweets she made. She knows that I really like sweets. She makes wonderful Indian sweets with lots of sugar and milk. So, before leaving the hospital I had nice sweets made by Dr S. Our team has different food habits. Dr R and Dr S try to avoid sweets and junk food but they want others to have it and enjoy. Their wish is that I put on more weight. They say you are lean and we want to become like you. All crazy ladies. Both of them try their best to reduce their weight but fail to do so whenever they see Dr M's homemade cheese cakes. Dr M is a neurologist and a part of our gang. She makes wonderful cakes and pastries. So everyone waits for her treat. Dr M is herself a fitness freak. On the hand, I do not have anything during our coffee break unless and until Dr S persuades me. It is like a daughter mother relationship which I share with her. She is an excellent mentor and a very sweet person to gel with. Our department is never dull because of such wonderful ladies and their dedication to serve human race.

On the whole, my first day at the hospital after my surgery was really memorable and exciting. I will surely remember this day.

Cheers to our all women's team at St. Stephen's.

Its doctor's day in India

Every year Doctor’s Day is celebrated in India on the 1st of July. This observance fulfills a need to show the doctors and physicians in our lives how important they are to us and how invaluable their treatments are that cure us. The celebrations are indicative of the respect that they command in the lives of their patients and thus obligate them to fulfill their responsibilities as well. 

Doctor’s Day is celebrated in India on the 1st of July every year. This day has been chosen as a mark of respect to the contributions made by Dr. Bidhan Chandra Roy, who left an indelible mark in the history of medical profession in India. July 1st was his birthday as well as his death anniversary in the year 1882 and 1962 respectively. 

I am blessed with wonderful, kind and compassionate doctors. My doctors treat their patients like their brothers and sisters. I make sure that I congratulate them on this special day for all their hard work. Doctors ease our pain and put their efforts in making our life beautiful. I am fortunate that I met numerous doctors in my life who left a deep impression in my mind. They not only treated me but also inspired me to a great extend. I really respect my doctors and pray that they continue to serve the mankind in the best possible way.

My heartfelt gratitude to all my wonderful doctors.

On doctor's day I would like to pay my tribute to all those doctors who took care of me

You are a beautiful light

Which makes others life bright.

You have the power to heal

And you give people a wonderful feel.

You have a reservoir of compassion

Which you exhibit with great perfection.

You feel others pain and agony

And make them realize that life is a beautiful journey.

You guide others with firm determination

And they end up finding their real destination.

Your pleasant words are like a honey comb,

Sweet to the soul

And healing to the bones.

Being a father

Being a father is not a joke. It is tough and exciting at the same time. A father not only nurtures his child but also sees his own image in him. Anyone can produce babies but the real challenge is in upbringing the children in the best possible way. Upbringing not only means telling the child what is right or wrong morally but giving freedom to the child to think beyond the set norms. A father is the one who guides his child to understand the reality of life. A father is like a teacher who has the capability to teach his child the most amazing things. He has the potential to encourage his child to find the meaning of his existence. A father sometimes becomes a friend to provide comfort and give a helping hand to his child in tough times. He is the ultimate source of love and affection for his children, a shadow which remains with his kids every minute and a guiding light which is always bright.

A father gives unconditional love to his child and keeps him safe. The love of a father is something which is precious for the child. Fortunate are those who have loving, caring and compassionate fathers with them. Life becomes beautiful with the existence of a father. He is the one who fills our world with vibrant colors and makes life a satisfying journey. 

He is the one who accepts our faults and shows the right way to us. A father is also a mentor who trains his child to face all the odds of life and become a winner. He finds true joy when he sees his kids smiling. Their smile gives him every pleasure of life.

He appreciates his child on his victory and never underestimates the importance of loosing. A father tells his child that it is absolutely fine not to be a winner every time. Loosing is an opportunity to learn from our mistakes and put more efforts next time. He also makes his child understand that loosing has nothing to do with failing or feeling less of oneself. Loosing for others happiness is more important than winning which gives lifelong satisfaction.

A father can sacrifice his own happiness for his child but can never see his child in pain. He would do all the things for his child to be pain free and won’t let tears come in his child’s eyes. 

“Greatest gift I ever had

Came from God; I called him Dad”