Oriana's Birthday is coming!!!!

Oriana is my lovely and beautiful daughter. She was born on April 26th, 2012. Her Australian Labrador Retriever mum delivered 6 female babies. I am fortunate to have Oriana in my life. She is a cheerful living doll....A baby with lots of tricks to amuse me!!!

I will be celebrating her 1st birthday this year and the invitation cards have been sent to my friends and those who love dogs.

The big day is only 16 days away....Oriana will be the Star of the evening on April 26th :)

Love you Oriana. Thank you for making my life so special and beautiful.

ORIANA

Memories from Paris

After all the troubles I finally got my visa a day before my flight to Paris was due. For two months I had only been dreaming about attending the World Federation of Hemophilia congress, 2012. Fortunately, I was given an opportunity to do a poster presentation at the congress. My mum also accompanied me for the congress and I was happy that both of us would experience a nice time in Paris.

I didn’t know what things to keep in my luggage due to the excitement of going to Paris for the World congress. Guess what? I forgot to carry my woolens. The moment I landed in Paris, I was shivering due to cold waves. Being an Indian, Paris seemed to be colder for me. Somehow I managed. 

After checking out from the airport I had to find my way to my hotel. It wasn’t difficult as French nationals really helped me at every step. There was a pretty woman was watching me as I was in confused state. She came to me and told me how to get tickets for the metro train. I thanked her and got my tickets. 

Then I asked for metro platform directions from a dad of two beautiful kids. He was so helpful and kind to me. We boarded the same train and chitchat for a minute or two. My mum asked me to take permission from the kids’ dad as she wanted to get herself photographed with those cute and innocent kids. I really liked those kids as they were disciplined and shy. 

Finally we got down at Chattele. From there we had to take another train in order to reach our hotel. At the Chattele station we met an old French man who made sure that we boarded the appropriate train. He sat behind us in the train and informed us to get down at La Defense. I thanked him and moved on to find the way to our hotel.

As we walked towards the exit of the La Defense metro station I asked a young man to guide us towards hotel IBIS. He not only gave us the directions but also lifted our luggage and dropped it at the exit door. I think he was going for work but I was so impressed when he stopped and helped us generously. 

Finally we checked in our hotel. I and my mum got fresh and ate Matthi and Gur pare which we got with us from our country. Then we went to hotel Novotel to find out whether Cheryl D’Ambrosio had checked in there or not. The receptionist was so kind that he showed the list of World congress delegates which were suppose to check in at Novotel. Unfortunately I didn’t find Cheryl’s name in that list. With a sad face I came back to my hotel. My mum got busy with arranging our luggage in the room while I fell asleep. After arranging the luggage my mum also slept as she was also exhausted and tired. We had a wonderful sleep. Suddenly we heard door knocking. The moment I opened the door there was no one. I thought someone would have knocked our door by mistake. Surprisingly I got a call from Cheryl and she told me that she was knocking our door but we didn’t open it. At that moment I got to know that Cheryl was staying in our hotel and I was not even aware of it. I got to know about Cheryl in 2009 when she was thinking of hosting an International creative arts contest for girls and women with bleeding disorders. One of my writings was referred to Cheryl by Laurie Kelley. I was fortunate to be the first contestant of the creative arts contest. After that Cheryl established MyGirlsBlood and I got associated with it. I am glad to be part of MyGirlsBlood as it was Cheryl was motivated me to present my work at the World congress.

Reception area of Hotel IBIS

It was a magical moment when I saw Cheryl. She hugged me and we felt extremely emotional. We had been sending emails, exchanging ideas and planning activities for MyGirlsBlood together for a long time but never met each other in person. I am at loss of words to describe that moment. Then Cheryl met my mum and both of them hugged each other. I made sure that Cheryl felt comfortable and talked for an hour or so. It was Cheryl who invited me and my mum for dinner and took us to see Eiffel tower and other famous monuments with her. We took photos and discussed how women with bleeding disorders can get benefited and empowered. Three of us came back to our hotel and decided to meet at 11:30 AM so that we could go together to attend the congress. 

Visit to Eiffel tower with Cheryl

On the first day I met my old and close friends from the hemophilia community. I was fortunate to meet Shirin from Iran. She came with her husband and it was really nice to meet both of them.



Cheryl introduced me to Patrice and all of us hanged out together at the grocery store on level 0 of the congress venue. Patrice is a charming woman who has charisma in her smile. She is doing a great job for women with bleeding disorders in the United States.



At the opening ceremony I finally met my dearest friend Laurie. It was the second time to meet her in person. Laurie told me that she adored my Labrador puppy ‘Oriana’ so much. She met my mum and was really happy to see us there. It was such a great moment for me to be with the most important ladies of my life – my mum, Laurie and Cheryl. They have always been my strength during tough times. I owe my success, happiness and life to these women.

It was a moment of pride for MyGirlsBlood when Cheryl gave a presentation on Patients and family blogs. She stole my heart away. Her presentation was really impressive and made an impact on the audiences.  

Cheryl giving her presentation

After Cheryl’s presentation we went to a nearby restaurant with our new friend Wendy. I must tell you that Wendy is a real sweetheart and she calls me Miss. Anorexic. She is a great person and a kid at heart. It was nice to hang out with her.

On July 12^th, 2012 I had my poster presentation. Cheryl was with me to help me fix my poster on the board. She was happy to see me come so far and became emotional Cheryl took photos of my poster and me. I felt proud for making Cheryl’s dream come true. She had a vision for me and I was fortunate to make it a reality.

 

As days passed I learned a lot from the hemophilia leaders, researchers and experienced delegates at the congress. I did make new friends and exchanged ideas for making life better for women with bleeding disorders. I met a team of people from Japan and I was really impressed by their poster. I got an email from one of the team members and it is great to share ideas for making our hemophilia community stronger around the globe. 

  Painting by a French painter at the opening ceremony of the World Congress, 2012

I will always cherish all these wonderful and special memories which Paris gifted me. All I want to say is ‘Merci France’. 

These winters

It is obvious that winters will come every year. I do not like winters as I tend to bleed badly during this season. My bleed becomes severe and profuse leading to irritability of mood. 

The same happened in the beginning of this winter season. I suffered from menstrual bleed three times in a month. I felt extremely frustrated and felt very low. After that I had ulcer bleed which contributed in lowering my hemoglobin. Currently I am feeling tired and fatigued.

Now I am again waiting for my menses to hit me hard. I know I will again bleed for a month or so. Winters are extremely troublesome for me. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

From Denmark... With love

I am always amazed by Almighty's plans. I never expected to have so many wonderful people around me until I came to know about my bleeding disorders. I never made good friends. Most of them could not understand my disease and it was difficult to get along with them. I believe that we meet people with a specific purpose. Some give us happiness while others give us life long pain and tears. 

I happened to meet a wonderful young woman from a Scandinavian country. She read my blog post and sent a message to me. I was overwhelmed by her words of accepting her as a friend. I am glad that I replied to her message. She has also has a bleeding disorder but it is different from mine. We have developed a nice friendship and are in constant touch with each other. I am so happy to know her. She told me about her experiences and how she has been dealing with her bleeding disorder for so many years. One important common thing in both of us is that we love dogs like anything. She has two dogs and they are absolutely fabulous. They play with my friend and have fun with her. I miss having a pet. She is a wonderful pet owner. She makes sure that the babies (this is what she calls her pets) feel happy and cheerful. One of the pets is very naughty and enthusiastic while the other one is very wise and calm. But I like both of them.

It is so wonderful to share our thoughts and experiences with each other. Our cultures, languages and traditions are different but our hearts are so close to one another. I wonder how people meet and become best pals forever. I never expected that I would have a loving and caring friend like her. I am fortunate to have her in my life. I thank my VWD because of which we happened to meet and became each others' confidante.

Oh! these menses...

I worry a lot about my menstrual bleeding. I keep thinking about it most of the times. I am not obsessed with it but as a female with a bleeding disorder it is quite normal. The thing which I hate the most is having profuse, heavy and prolong menstrual bleeding. I just do not like it. My work efficiency gets decreased during menses. Sometimes I have to take leave from my work which I dislike the most. This time my menses started when I was making IQ report of a patient at the OPD. My lower back started paining badly and I could hardly move. It was so difficult for me to reach the metro station and board the train to go back home. Somehow I managed to start walking from the hospital and ultimately reached the metro station. The train was late by 7 minutes and I had to stand. There was no space available for sitting. The train came and I got a sigh of relief. Surprisingly the compartment was extremely crowded and I was getting irritated. There was a group of girls who were talking so loudly that I felt like scolding them. But I had no energy to do so. Frankly speaking I had no right to scold them. We live in a democratic nation and everyone has freedom to expression through words. Isn't it? I would have surely got into an argument with those girls in the train. Then suddenly an old woman pushed me so hard that I fell on the floor. I do not understand why can't people walk in a civilized manner. She didn't even say sorry to me. I starred at her but did not say anything. I was very annoyed by her behavior.

After reaching home I took painkiller, factor injection and hot water bag therapy. I slept for four hours and felt a little better when I woke up. My mum asked me to stay at home and rest for a day. I agreed and decided to stay back at home.

I took an off today so that I could rest. My lower back pain is still there but it will subside in few days. Sometimes I feel that having a bleeding disorder is a real challenge. It makes me weak for a while but with my mum's support and care I always face it bravely. My friend Suchu called me and asked about my condition. It was so nice to talk to her. Her soothing words gave me comfort. I really love her and she also loves me truly. We have a wonderful bonding and we also have share common interests. 

Today is my second day of bleeding and I got many get well soon messages from my friends. I am hoping to get back to my work tomorrow.

Psychiatry and bleeding disorders

I always wondered how Freud treated his patients with his unique strategy called "Psychoanalysis". Fortunately I am studying Psychoanalysis in depth these days. I am really excited and thrilled to know all the techniques used by Freud. I also believe that a person's past plays an important role in the development of psychopathology at the conscious level. When there are conflicts between the conscious and unconscious level we tend to see or find people with mental disorders. Frankly speaking I never wanted to pursue a career in Psychiatry or Clinical psychology but it was my destination. I always hated it and never wanted to deal with mentally ill patients. The field of mental health never allured or thrilled me. But it was my mamma who always ignited an aptitude towards Psychology and Psychiatry. I used to complain to my mamma that it is so difficult to deal with mentally unsound people as the manifestation of the psychiatric symptoms is absolutely different from diseases and disorders of other organ systems. I never realized that there were diagnostic classification systems developed for making diagnosis of various mental disorders. There are two major systems of classifications of mental disorders: ICD 10 (International classification of diseases) and DSM IV ( Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders). I feel comfortable in using DSM IV TR to make diagnosis. It has details and descriptions of Psychiatric disorders in points which is easy to read and remember. ICD 10 on the other hand is very descriptive which I do not like. 

It is so unfortunate that Psychiatric disorders are not given importance by people and there are various taboos associated with Mental health profession. If someone considers to consult a psychologist or psychiatrist then the family members and friends think that the concerned person has become mad or has lost his/her senses. I do not know how to define normal and abnormal behavior in life. I can differentiate between deviant and normal behavior as per the diagnostic criteria but I cannot say that we all are sane or so called normal individuals. We have our own mental conflicts and confusions in life. Unfortunate are those who cannot deal with those mental conflicts and get a label of mentally ill person. Labeling a person with a particular mental disorder has been a controversial issue in the field of mental health. When a person gets a label of a psychiatric disorder then the attitude of the friends, family and colleagues changes. They think that the mentally ill person can harm them or cannot live life in a normal way. I feel pathetic to see the condition of the patients who are not given food and kept in isolation just because of their mental disorder. The understanding of mental disorders of the general mass is insufficient and has created many taboos for the afflicted individuals. There is a need to make others understand that mental illness is not communicable, it can happen to anyone and people who have mental disorder are not necessarily violent.  

I read about Mood and Psychotic disorders in my Bachelors. Both these mental illnesses always allured me. I think that it would be wonderful to estimate the number of cases of mood disorders in women with bleeding disorders. It is so unfortunate that there is hardly any effective literature available for the researchers to further research on unipolar depression or bipolar affective disorder in females with Von willebrand's or hemophilia or other bleeding disorders. It is really important to give appropriate psychological care to bleeders irrespective of their gender. But being a female with bleeding disorder, I am a little biased and think that females need more psychological support and professional help than their male hemophiliacs counterparts. The reason is simple of my belief  i.e, women are diagnosed late in their life, have little resources to deal with their bleeding episodes, there is denial by the family members as well as the medical professionals that can make the afflicted psychologically weak at times. I have personally experienced the need of a mental health professional at the times of crisis and confusion being a bleeder. Fortunately I have a mental health professional at my home who always gave me psychological support. She helped me when I felt low and doubted my abilities. It is fruitful to meet a counselor or psychologist when we are confused and want instant solutions for our problems. There is one major principle of counseling i.e, the solution lies within the person itself, it is the counselor or psychologist who guides the person to reach towards that solution. So I personally feel that psychological services are important for women with bleeding disorders and also for those without them.

Now I am madly in love with Psychiatry and have acquired the skills to help people with or without mental disorders. The beauty of being a mental health professional is that we treat/heal people who are facing challenging in living life in an effective manner as well as those whose behavior deviates from the normal. As I always say "there is no universal definition of madness or insanity and we all are not absolutely normal".

An unexpected visit to the hospital

Some things in life occur unexpectedly. But everything that occurs has a purpose behind its existence. Accepting it with an open mind helps in facing the reality and truth of life. The same principle is applied on health ailments according to me. Since Friday my lower abdomen is paining badly. I cannot get up from the bed because of my pain. This is why I could not attend my OPD today and decided to see a surgeon. I am not a kind of a person who avoids visiting hospital. I like the environment there and it teaches me how to carry the candle of hope when life seems to full of uncertainties. But today's visit to the hospital was unplanned. I was trying to ignore my pain thinking that it would subside on its own. Unfortunately the pain continued for more than three days to such an extent that I had to take an injection of painkiller. Then I seriously thought of going to a doctor. Sometimes we avoid our bodily conditions which become big headaches for us in the future. How unfortunate are those who cannot afford the cost of health care treatment. 

This morning I consulted a surgeon and he examined me. He advised an ultra sound and blood tests. I had to wait for an hour for my turn at the radiology department because there was a huge rush. I sat on a chair and waited for my turn. Ultimately my ultra sound and blood test was done. The ultra sound finding revealed that there is inflammation in my Ceacum (the first portion of the large bowel, situated in the lower right quadrant of the abdomen). My blood reports will come tomorrow. I am trying to ignore my pain so that I could do my work but my pain is really troublesome and severe. I hope my pain and inflammation will subside soon. I am keeping my fingers crossed.